mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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