I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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