She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
