my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
