So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
