I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Farmville is her only friend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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