No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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