Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
