There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
