Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
