Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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