My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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