I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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