He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
