ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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