i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
