so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
