are you still at the devil's house?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
bring money and cleavage
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
