I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
