So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
