By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
