I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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