Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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