so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
