We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
