ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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