No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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