you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
