Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
