When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
