just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
