I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
