somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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