the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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