In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
