I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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