Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
