apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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