I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
