If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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