Yo dont text me then not text me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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