I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
