Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
