Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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