I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
