Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
