my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
