Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
bring money and cleavage
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
