Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
