I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
