I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
