1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
