Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
