Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
